No really, this happened.

Edited to add [commentary] so that you can follow this.

The following is a transcript of a text message conversation I had today. To protect the innocent I won't use real names. J, M and T are all male. I had deleted some of my sent mail prior to typing this so the beginning is a little bit summary. J and I are good friends. M is also in the ward, we are friends, but not that good of friends. T. is also in the ward and we are friends.

M: If u r bored we can do something on the parking lot john says we can borrow his van [M is asking me to come enjoy him in van outside, its one of those work vans without any windows, pretty sketchy.]

Andrea to J: I'm going to kill you. [J is typically the one telling people to text me crazy stuff]

M: I'll protect him [J and M were outside together]

Andrea to M: I'll kill you too.

M: I haven't done anything to u why?

M: I am waiting!!! I bet the only thing more comfortable than this van is u bb [M is still coming on to me...]

I then asked J if he was texting me from M's phone because I was very uncomfortable.

J: I just told him to text you. What did he say?!

I forwarded the texts from M to J.

J: That is so nice!! Take him up on his offer!

T: Why is M in a white van holding up a sign on the window with your name on it?

several hours later...

M: Hey andrea do u want to drink from the waters of M [without being around J he is still saying crazy stuff, this is bad]

Forwarded M's text to J.

J: WHAT!!!

Andrea to J: You have created a monster!

Andrea to M: You are crazy!

J: Quench your thirst!

Andrea to J: I will never be that thirsty. [this is all referring to "the waters of M"]

J: Just try a sip...

Andrea to J: One sip of poison is still enough to kill you.

J: True. I almost died at my first Poison concert.

Andrea to J: Finally you are starting to understand

J: No. If I could go back I would do it again. His waters are pure...

M: R u dehydrated

Andrea to J: Are you talking to M right now?

J: I never have outside of church... What is he doing?

Forwarded M's text to J.

J: I will now call him The Hydrator!

Andrea to J: I am not thirsty for his kind of hydration

This is not fabricated or embellished. This really is my life. And my parents wonder why I am still single.

Too long

I have had a lot of requests to get back to blogging. So here goes. I think the main reason that I haven't blogged is that I don't have very many good stories to tell. Instead, I give you a list.

Update on the life of Andrea:

I still work at Primary Children's, which I enjoy.

I still get lots of hives, which I hate.

I am still single, which I am used to.

I still live alone in my condo, which I love.

I still have my cat Gigi, who puts up with me.

I no longer sleep, not so cool.

I continue to find great humor in the world around me, and share that with others.

I set off my fire alarms very easily, which may be an indication of the quality of my cooking.

I am no longer forced to plan ward activities, which brings me great joy.

I have straight hair today, which is abnormal.

I am current on all my bills, which is normal.

I text way more than I should, but so does everyone else I know.

I need to get an external hard drive, or my computer may self-destruct.

I hate spiders, but can't kill them because the crunching gives me the chills.

I had THE WORST NIGHTMARE EVER last night. No seriously. I woke up in a panic. Bad news. It was all my greatest fears combined. I'm blaming my lousy meds.

I hate taking medicine, but I hate hives more.

I haven't broken any bones this year, surprise.

I do not like dancing. At all. Not even a little bit.

Any questions?