Sunday, September 12, 2010

No really, this happened.

Edited to add [commentary] so that you can follow this.

The following is a transcript of a text message conversation I had today. To protect the innocent I won't use real names. J, M and T are all male. I had deleted some of my sent mail prior to typing this so the beginning is a little bit summary. J and I are good friends. M is also in the ward, we are friends, but not that good of friends. T. is also in the ward and we are friends.

M: If u r bored we can do something on the parking lot john says we can borrow his van [M is asking me to come enjoy him in van outside, its one of those work vans without any windows, pretty sketchy.]
Andrea to J: I'm going to kill you. [J is typically the one telling people to text me crazy stuff]
M: I'll protect him [J and M were outside together]
Andrea to M: I'll kill you too.
M: I haven't done anything to u why?
M: I am waiting!!! I bet the only thing more comfortable than this van is u bb [M is still coming on to me...]
I then asked J if he was texting me from M's phone because I was very uncomfortable.
J: I just told him to text you. What did he say?!
I forwarded the texts from M to J.
J: That is so nice!! Take him up on his offer!
T: Why is M in a white van holding up a sign on the window with your name on it?

several hours later...

M: Hey andrea do u want to drink from the waters of M [without being around J he is still saying crazy stuff, this is bad]
Forwarded M's text to J.
J: WHAT!!!
Andrea to J: You have created a monster!
Andrea to M: You are crazy!
J: Quench your thirst!
Andrea to J: I will never be that thirsty. [this is all referring to "the waters of M"]
J: Just try a sip...
Andrea to J: One sip of poison is still enough to kill you.
J: True. I almost died at my first Poison concert.
Andrea to J: Finally you are starting to understand
J: No. If I could go back I would do it again. His waters are pure...
M: R u dehydrated
Andrea to J: Are you talking to M right now?
J: I never have outside of church... What is he doing?
Forwarded M's text to J.
J: I will now call him The Hydrator!
Andrea to J: I am not thirsty for his kind of hydration

This is not fabricated or embellished. This really is my life. And my parents wonder why I am still single.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Too long

I have had a lot of requests to get back to blogging. So here goes. I think the main reason that I haven't blogged is that I don't have very many good stories to tell. Instead, I give you a list.

Update on the life of Andrea:
I still work at Primary Children's, which I enjoy.
I still get lots of hives, which I hate.
I am still single, which I am used to.
I still live alone in my condo, which I love.
I still have my cat Gigi, who puts up with me.
I no longer sleep, not so cool.
I continue to find great humor in the world around me, and share that with others.
I set off my fire alarms very easily, which may be an indication of the quality of my cooking.
I am no longer forced to plan ward activities, which brings me great joy.
I have straight hair today, which is abnormal.
I am current on all my bills, which is normal.
I text way more than I should, but so does everyone else I know.
I need to get an external hard drive, or my computer may self-destruct.
I hate spiders, but can't kill them because the crunching gives me the chills.
I had THE WORST NIGHTMARE EVER last night. No seriously. I woke up in a panic. Bad news. It was all my greatest fears combined. I'm blaming my lousy meds.
I hate taking medicine, but I hate hives more.
I haven't broken any bones this year, surprise.
I do not like dancing. At all. Not even a little bit.

Any questions?