Wednesday, July 25, 2012


I've started having major anxiety. Like I lay awake for hours at night working through various situations where I will almost die. I have to work through every angle before my mind will rest. It's horrible.
Shopping has begun to create melt downs for me. I went to Walmart to pick up a couple things for my friend's party and by the time I got back I was a hot mess. I hate it.
The more anxiety I have the more anxious I get about having anxiety and it just continues in a vicious cycle of consuming anxiety.
I like to think that it all stems from my stressful job and constant lack of sleep. But I don't know.
I do know that I feel all sorts of broken and dysfunctional. I can't stop it and I don't choose to have it. But I still feel like I should be able to fix it.
Most of my friends here have been really supportive and non judgmental about it all. That helps a lot. I try to spend my time off relaxing as much as possible.
Little things help. Like when I decided what hospital I will go to if I have an emergency. Since then I haven't had any severe injury related anxiety attacks.
I really want a new job. This one is killing me. I need to de-stress my life. Maybe I will just go live in a bubble.
Life is really good most of the time. I'm happy here in Arizona. I have good friends here and a stable job. These are good things.
Hopefully the refining fire I have been in for the last year will let up soon. I'm getting burned a lot and I don't think I'm learning as much as I should. Oh well. If it was easy it wouldn't be hard :)
The good news is that I'm going to San Diego in a week. I just get to lay on the beach and relax. It will be really wonderful.
I'm not always such a downer, it's just how I'm feeling today.


Lani said...

Oh, Andrea. I'm right there too, and I don't know how much more I can take. Maybe it's something in the air or the water? I'm not kidding about that. Magnesium, B-vitamins, and lots of protein are the only things keeping me sane, I think. I hope your trip to San Diego helps. Hugs.

Liz Johnson said...

You know I'm right there with you. I highly recommend Benadryl, getting rid of literally any obligation that isn't vital to the survival of you or somebody else, and... well, I would recommend chocolate, but since that doesn't work for you... lemon bars? :)

Liz Johnson said...

Oh, AMBIEN. Nectar from the Gods, that stuff. Possibly some Lexapro if the Ambien doesn't kick it in the pants. Maybe a trip to Europe. Going back to school? Joining the peace corps? All are good possibilities. :)

K.E.N said...

Come visit me and hang out with me and my kids...I could teach you a thing or two about letting things go ;) I hope the week on vacay did the trick-at least for a while. And you ARE welcome to visit if you like...I'm serious.