I've started having major anxiety. Like I lay awake for hours at night working through various situations where I will almost die. I have to work through every angle before my mind will rest. It's horrible.
Shopping has begun to create melt downs for me. I went to Walmart to pick up a couple things for my friend's party and by the time I got back I was a hot mess. I hate it.
The more anxiety I have the more anxious I get about having anxiety and it just continues in a vicious cycle of consuming anxiety.
I like to think that it all stems from my stressful job and constant lack of sleep. But I don't know.
I do know that I feel all sorts of broken and dysfunctional. I can't stop it and I don't choose to have it. But I still feel like I should be able to fix it.
Most of my friends here have been really supportive and non judgmental about it all. That helps a lot. I try to spend my time off relaxing as much as possible.
Little things help. Like when I decided what hospital I will go to if I have an emergency. Since then I haven't had any severe injury related anxiety attacks.
I really want a new job. This one is killing me. I need to de-stress my life. Maybe I will just go live in a bubble.
Life is really good most of the time. I'm happy here in Arizona. I have good friends here and a stable job. These are good things.
Hopefully the refining fire I have been in for the last year will let up soon. I'm getting burned a lot and I don't think I'm learning as much as I should. Oh well. If it was easy it wouldn't be hard :)
The good news is that I'm going to San Diego in a week. I just get to lay on the beach and relax. It will be really wonderful.
I'm not always such a downer, it's just how I'm feeling today.