There are some things that the human mind cannot process. The events of this last week put me in a position to try to reconcile such things in my mind. An impossible task. I did the only things I knew to do. I talked about it (at work, where it is safe), cried about it, and of course I turned to the Lord. The combination of the three has helped me cope with the un-cope-able. The only thing that has brought peace is the comfort of the Lord. I no longer cry myself to sleep. I no longer cry at the very thought of all that transpired. It still makes me sad and sick, but the pain is easing. I am so so glad and greatful for the wonderful coworkers I have. So many supportive people have helped me get through this. It is not over, but I am getting through it. And, good things are coming out of all that transpired, so I will focus on that.
All of this has again reminded me of my limitations. It has been terribly busy at work, and emotionally I was overwhelmed. I hate to ask for favors, but knew that I needed a little break. So I called and asked for an easier assignment for work last night. I have had some very very difficult assignments over the past week, on top of everything else. Luckily, they were able to give me a better assignment. I was happy at work again. It was such a wonderful thing. I think that sometimes everyone forgets I am new. I was talking to the charge nurse last night and she said that I always get difficult assignments because everyone knows that they can trust me and that I am a great nurse. I am not sure if that is common consensus, or just her feelings, but it helped to hear that. Little things like that are helping restore my confidence in my job skills, and are helping me not give up on my career (something I seriously considered after Thursday).
My capstone preceptor, who I talked about previously, said that she can't believe the things I have had to experience since I have been a nurse, that I have had a harder go than is "fair" for someone as new as I am. I must say, I have to agree with that. I am not complaining, most of the experiences have helped me learn very quickly and have made me a better nurse (I hope). I just think that sometimes because I have been through so much and handled so much that people forget that I am new and sometimes it can be a little much. It is getting better all the time. I became a nurse because I wanted to be continually challenged, so I guess you could say I asked for this.
So, I am going to buck up and be happy again. After last night and today being so good, that should be a much easier thing to achieve.
In unrelated news, as I was leaving work this morning this guy stopped and asked my friend and I for directions to the State Examiner. I have no idea where that is, but I did my best. The amusing part to me was when he asked where we were going. I am pretty sure he wanted to give us a ride. 1. I would have not gotten in the car with him (even though he seemed normal and was rather attractive. 2. He was definitely not going my way, so it wouldn't have made sense. It just made me smile. Usually people that ask me to get in their car with them are scary looking. He was not.